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~usernameExists

Charmaine
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About Me Member Shadow Deviant usernameExists20/Female/New Zealand Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
Needs Premium Membership Statistics 18 Deviations
129 Comments
485 Pageviews

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i don't know how i got hereSomethings never last long,  before i wake up oneday  to find them gone.   
And some things don't even exist at all,  its like i'm watchng from the outside.   
I can see exactly  what i'm missing.   
This nothing inside of me.  Nothing can breach  my cold, hard armour.   
Please, help me.  I can't get out.  And i can see exactly  what i'm missing.   
Everyday.  I see exactly  what i'm missing.  Everyday, all over me.   
Everyday.  Everyday.  When i wake,  i re-live it all over.  Everyday.  I re-live i don't know how i got here
by ~usernameExists
crashing downon a day like today,  when everything comes crashing down,  and taking me with it.   
what do you expect me to do? crashing down
by ~usernameExists
constantlyI'm trying so hard  to keep it all together.  Simplify my life,  but it just keeps coming.  Beating me down.  Beating me down.   
I'm trying 'one day at a time.'  Justify my habits.  Seems ok to me.  But it keeps on;  Beating me down.  Beating me down.   
And I'm fucking trying,  so hard it seems,  more than anyone else.  So why does it keep on?  Beating me down.  Beating me down.   
Until i can't think of one reason  why i should still be here.  Breathing and hurting  and bleeding and crying  and scratching my fucking constantly
by ~usernameExists
Outsideillusion, my friend  and deepest enemy  together we conqour  cover up and brave the cold   
you can't hurt me when people are still looking  i'm everything you want and desire  plastic protection  a constant  what you never see is really me   
i'm out as quick as i came  no shared secrets  or mysteries revealed  just a cotten coated outer Outside
by ~usernameExists
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Devious Journal Entry

Wed Jan 4, 2006, 2:26 PM
warm in my stomach
warm bright light

i feel complete
completely calm
a third eye awakening

rhythms beathing from my chest
compelling me
out and up
as i search for my higher being

determined to find
meaning in this life

close my eyes
and feel my own rhythm
vibrating through me
lifts me out
and i rise upward
my own light is lifting me out
nurturing me beyond this.

i knew you were always there
your so beautiful.

[i close my eyes just to look at you]
1 Comment | Previous Journal Entries

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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: christchurch, new zealand
  • Interests: percussion, film/cinema, literature
  • Favourite movie: 12 monkeys, natural born killers, schindlers list. arthouse and foreign films mostly.
  • Favourite band or musician: korn, deftones, tool, system, team sleep, apc, david bowie, manson, nin, i love it all
  • Favourite genre of music: jazz, funk, industrial metal/progressive/alternative styles, i really love anything with 80's synths
  • Favourite artist: mmm...dali or grey, local artists, "unknown's"
  • Favourite poet or writer: Whitman, Orwell, Lewis, Asimov...lots...
  • Favourite style of art: minimilism
  • Operating System: xp
  • MP3 player of choice: winamp
  • Shell of choice: certainly not mine
  • Wallpaper of choice: irrelevance fucks me off
  • Skin of choice: (see above)
  • Favourite game: chicken..on the road...with cars..going fast and stuff
  • Favourite gaming platform: ..meh. i love dr. phil
  • Favourite cartoon character: southpark, sponge bob and gary and patrick. *thinks about patrick* *laughs*
  • Personal Quote: "there is no reality, there is only perception of reality" Dr Phil (via gala, wereutakingt
  • Tools of the Trade: my gun at your head

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Comments


:iconflyawaywithme:
~flyawaywithme Jul 25, 2005, 1:03:03 AM
woah i honestly thought that i had been watching you for ages - but i havnt....

problem fixed.

--
we were but stones, your light made us stars
she puts the weights into my little heart.
:iconplaythis:
~playthis Dec 24, 2004, 2:14:35 AM
hey hun! well i got 5 mins left on the interent cafe clock so i will write u a MERRY CHRISTMAS !! hope you have a really nice one and i will b thinkin of u! hurry up and email me back too gala wants maiiilllll :P

luv ya xx

p.s- you wuld die for the food here there is a bakery on every corner with the best food ever seriously mmmm

--
"When the Ten Thousand things are viewed in their oneness, we return to the Origin and remain where we have always been"- Sen T'sen
:iconglasss:
~glasss Aug 4, 2004, 1:40:09 AM
hey hey there - jst coming for a visit - geze i havent seen your page for yonks!

WHOAH i ALSO get monopoly rage!

damn Monopoly i swear its fuken evil, makes kids think that money is importnat.,,, hmmm

well ta ta xxx

--
:skullbones: "Just cast a glance at the history of mankind; well, what do you see? is it majestic?"-Dostoevsky:skullbones:
:iconphoenirius:
~phoenirius Apr 3, 2004, 12:39:05 AM
:wave:

hi charmaine! my name's charmaine too ^^;
:iconusernameexists:
~usernameExists Apr 27, 2004, 1:51:52 AM
haha no way. where are u from? :D
:iconphoenirius:
~phoenirius Apr 27, 2004, 2:55:46 AM
brisbane - australia!
:iconusernameexists:
~usernameExists Apr 27, 2004, 4:54:26 PM
haha, yeah i saw that once i went to ur page :D u are a very talented artist. :clap:
:iconwickism:
~Wickism Feb 23, 2004, 5:53:37 PM
Wowz0r! :D Thanks for the +Fav! Your comments mean a lot to me.

--
:thumbsup: I'm not dead yet!
:iconplaythis:
~playthis Feb 18, 2004, 12:09:54 AM
Welcome, here you will find web addiction. Your poems are very real and honest - I love them.

--
"When the Ten Thousand things are viewed in their oneness, we return to the Origin and remain where we have always been"- Sen T'sen
:iconwickism:
~Wickism Feb 17, 2004, 11:11:46 PM
NEW ZEALAND! I've always wanted to visit.

..Tell me, isn't it BEAUTIFUL?! :)

Great gallery!

--
:thumbsup: I'm not dead yet!
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